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I'm afraid my confidence is already at an all time low; after overhearing a conversation between two ladies earlier. One said, “If he is Jeff's Best man;---I would hate to see his worst.”

 

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married;---I’ve been told to read this one instead.

 

I would class Eric as a quiet ten pin bowler; When he plays you can hardly hear a pin drop.

 

He is the only child but he still wasn’t his Mother’s favorite.

 

One side of his car had a red wing and the other side a blue one. He loved to hear the witnesses contradict each other.

 

She had owned the car for five years, before she realized it had a manual gearbox.

 

 

 

 

He caught a big fish recently, in fact it was so big, he nearly dislocated his shoulders;---describing it.

 

His Doctor told him to give up Golf.---He isn’t ill,--- he saw his score-card.

 

We call him the exorcist in our house.---Every time he comes around, he rids us of all our spirits.

 

At the bar Ted is always the first to put his hand in his pocket;----and the last to bring it out again.

 

He only drinks on special occasions;---like when somebody else is buying.

 

Pete thinks a well balanced diet means a Big Mac in each hand.

 

He’s so short; he’s the only man I know whose feet appear on his passport photograph.

 

Apparently you can judge a man by his baldness. If he is bald in the front, he is a great thinker. If he is bald at the back, he is great lover.---If he is bald at the front and the back,--he just thinks he is a great lover.

 

There might be snow on his roof; but the fire is still burning in the grate; or so he tells me.

 

He actually comes from a very sporting family, although one of his relatives once broke a leg throwing a ball;---he forgot it was chained to his ankle.

 

She joined Gourmet magazine, but a few months later they tried to buy back her subscription.

 

Not many of you will know this but Nancy recently had plastic surgery; they cut her credit cards in half.

 

When pool skills were being handed out, Joe was right at the end of the Cue.

Samples from the 44 page Humor e-book, FREE with every speech pack

Wedding Speeches for the USA and Canada, Samples from the 44 page Humor e-book, FREE with every speech pack